As husbands, we asked first. We were the ones who got down in one knee, professed our love, and asked the “big question.” No one forced us into it (well, maybe most of us), we exercised free will.
I try my best to keep this in mind during stressful times life can hand to us. Bills, jobs, traffic, vacations, friends, travel, functions, and other obligations have all been influenced by that one “big question.” Think of it like the butterfly effect — one seemingly small gesture (compared to the big picture of our lives) can make a seismic shift for the rest of our lives.
When you think about the stereotypical marriage, one that is many times illustrated by TV and movies, you see spouses as separate lives. She does this, he does that. Both complain about the other and nicknames like ball and chain are thrown around like familiar, age-old references.
It’s normal for many to look at there spouse as someone who does her or his thing and they do theirs.
I’ve always disliked the ole ball and chain thing. I think it evokes a negative outlook projected onto my wife and, if used long enough, will eventually turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’ve never used it and I never will.
Again, we as husbands asked. We were the ones that pushed the start button and got the ball rolling, initially. Why wouldn’t we want to work together with our spouses for a better life? To live that life we envisioned when we asked the question.
I’ve heard many who will believe that their spouses have changed — “this isn’t the person I married.” Aside from some extreme cases such as unfortunate life events, disasters, or other things extremely out of our control, we have to take a hard look at ourselves. Many times it is us who have changed. Sometimes we’ve slowly shifted our habits, beliefs, or attitudes and we automatically blame the other.
If this may be the case, we need a review — to revisit the basics of our own perspectives. Are we taking ownership? Do we practice self-responsibility? Are we doing our part to make the marriage work the best it can?
What can we do better?
Is arguing a normal part of your day? Do you get pangs of resentment from decisions being made without you? Do feelings of jealousy or disapproval rear their ugly heads at times?
Instead of showing resistance, open the doors of your soul. Revisit that fateful day on bent knee and remember how you felt, the words you spoke, and the feeling of hearing the answer.
If you can’t change the situation change your reaction to the situation. Change your behavior and see how things will eventually change for the better for both of you. Humble yourself.
We asked. We started this adventure and now it’s time to take part and help make it incredible.
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